I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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