i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
