Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
