I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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