he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
