I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
