What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
