I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
