she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
