Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
