so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He did a backflip because drugs
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