also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
