just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
