No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
