One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
