Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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