i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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