Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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