i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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