Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
