They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
