yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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