My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
