I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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