Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
