We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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