ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
