i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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