summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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