is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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