why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
