So drunk its hurt
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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