he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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