I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
