Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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