my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
