i love accidental penises.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize