she was so not down for the gang bang
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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