Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize