i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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