I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
