Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hippo gnu deer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
