And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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