worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
