i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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