after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
