we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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