Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
