Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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