That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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