my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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