I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
