It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
