I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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