its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
