I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
