you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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