he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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