My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
