3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
