I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
