on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
