I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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