well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
