I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
